;; one missed call

Udoubtedly from you...

YOU

who are always there

YOU

who understand me

YOU

who can fix me

But I didnt answer. I hope thats ok.

It's just one of those days I guess

Or rather,

One of those weeks.

My sincere apologies

;;

The raindrops in my background describe my day perfectly.
:(

Life - in a nutshell

The blog inspired by change

'Life is full of choices', but isn't 'change inevitable'? Sometimes it's tough to think about the future... that is most certainly why I do not. But lately the future seems to continue to creep up on me, and some decisions must be made.

I would like to say that highschool is hard -  and I am sure I would not stand alone there, but is life - the real world not way more demanding and stressful? I can cry all I want about my 85% average, or my lack of time, or my sleepy social life, but all those things combined will not amount to the gravity of the decisions I have to make next. Change is inevitable. I can't forget that. I don't think Im ready for this much change though....

I had planned to go immediately to university next year, but stay in my hometown as to not worry about finances while Im still a teen. I want to go to Calgary now. I know, I know, Rachael's being a drama queen. But it is a real big step for me, and I don't think many people understand - not even some of my close friends do. If When I go everything is going to change. I feel that I need to, however. As a form of self discovery... self sufficiency... and mostly just to see if I can do it on my own. Life, that is.

Go Dinos?

I guess I can really narrow it down to my concerns. Family is a real issue. I can't say I always get along with my family, but they are without a doubt my biggest support system in school and life. What would I do without them there? What if the heater breaks down? I can't just call up daddy to help me out! Friends... well a good chunk of mine are going away. And I have one of my closest friends in Calgary... maybe it's perfect? But at the same time, am I ready to be away from everyone I have grown up with? Boyfriend. Boyfriend, boyfriend. Do people last when they try the long distance thing? Will he be missing out if he's just worrying about me?...will I be? My Job is amazing. Flawless. what if I dont find another like that? ...I can come back in the summers though. Kelowna - your beautiful summers, and your warm ish winters. Will I become a popsicle in Alberta?

Will I make it out there, or transfer back home, head hung...defeated by the 'big city'?

;; how many open houses are there in december?!

;; Reminiscing is fun!

So I stumbled upon something today while I read over my old facebook notes...

Thought you might like it.

type your 25 random things, tag 25 people then click publish.

FEBRUARY 15, 2009

1;; I am seriously immune to all major illnesses This is completely false now
2;; I hook on to phrases really quickly, and will use them shamelessly for weeks on end until I find a better one. Currently mine is "word" and "it happens to the best of us"
3;; I hate silence. Always need to be talking or have music playing. its a rare occurence to see me without my ipod. I dont have a download system now, so I only rock out when my boyfriend updates my pod.
4;; 5 is my jersey and has been my whole life. Si sinor! Tis for indoor soccer right meow
5;; I like to think I can read people and their intentions really well.... but sometimes I am waaay off Latley Im doing pretty good at this ...
6;; Im really embarassed that I have no clue what I want to do after highschool. Anthropology - Bachelor of arts. I am applying to UBCO, UVic, Queens, U of C, and Dalhousie.
7;; when I really like someone I can't stop shivering when Im around them Thank the lord I have learned how to control this trait. Hahah I am still perpetually cold though.
8;; Its really difficult for me to stay mad at people, and sometimes I forgive people when they don't deserve it You betcha.
9;; I eat ranch dressing on absolutely everything I just drained the last bottle in my fridge on some bacon... I know that sounds weird but try it.
10;; Im a real bad liar Sooo I pretty much get in trouble for everything I do wrong. Which is probably a good thing in the long run...
11;; dr. pepper is probably the best drink ever invented !!!!!!! YUM
12;; Summer is it. best two months of the year I really love christmas break too though
13;; turquoise is my favourite colour If I could have my way I would be driving a turquoise mini cooper right now. Those are my two favouritest things right now, besides my huge cat :)
14;; when I get passionate about something, I can't get it off my mind and spend all my time tryingto accomplish it. ... my motivation is fading with the school overload though 
15;; I really can't handle horror movies, yet I continue to watch them defs dont continue to watch them hahah.
16;; I have played almost every sport imaginable word.
17;; I have no time for girls who are two-faced yeeeps. Thats the way i roll.
18;; I love high stress situations, and can't help but to take control So true.19;; I want to go skydiving next year I looked into it but you have to show ID to sign the waiver. blaahh damn specifics.
20;; I love eyeshaow but I tend to wear too much. Im pretty much au natural these days... make ups too much work .
21;; volleyball is my sport.. but I would rather spend my days reading YEAH! like 'Eft for dead' and 'Sense and Sensibility' which I am both reading right now :)
22;; when I was younger I got a rusty screw through my head.. still have a scar yes siree
23;; I love English and find shakespeare absolutely amazing. We're studying Hamlet this year, but a midsummer night's dream was my all time favourite.
24;; I love my brother more than anything in the world, and I don't know what I'd do without him Never been more true. We are best friends
25;; I am way too excited to drive well my car's on storage insurance right now... sooooo Im not really on the road. Im terrified to drive in the winter.

Wild right?

I know.

Time for the next open house!

peacee

;; Pre open house banter

Surprise, Surprise

The blog inspired by the sweet little surprises in life

Just now I had one of the most pleasant surprises that I have had in days. If you were unawares, I have not been blogging in quite some time... And when I do the quality is a tad dreary. But my day has just been brightened by a lovely stat.

As of today my blog has reached readers further away than I could have ever imagined.

Hello to Canada, United States, New Zealand, Malaysia, Germany and the United Kingdom

I am beyond flattered that you have taken time to read my blog :)

For my close friends, you have all heard this before...

I am trying to get rid of my cell phone. It is an addiction of sorts, and I have established that it is rather unhealthy for me to continue to use it at the rate I am right now. Sad story, I legitly (new word) just stopped writing so I could answer a text....if that does not showcase my addiction, I don't know what else will. But since I am on the topic of surprises today, I received a wonderful suprise in my inbox today. Now, I may stand alone in saying this, but for me there are just some of your friends that you never think to text. You make friendly small talk at school and parties, but to send them a text just seems... pointless. What would you talk about? But this morning I turned on my phone to two separate texts from two completely different people that I have never received a message from before! It was... luxurious! Like the luxury lane Cramer painted on the highway on Seinfeld. I felt so flattered! so I carried on to talk with both of these people about how much their texts brightened my day, and how I was flattered that they'd think of me. And they BOTH replied that they felt the same way I did, but they decided to 'break the seal' per say, and it worked out great :) sooo Cheers to not being able to ignore my phone!

Another great surprise! Not as recent however...

My boyfriend and I played baseball together when we were 8! Small world right?

 

Im first row - third from the right, he's second row - second from the right
top team in the city evidently



Well Im off to the boy's for a Christmas open house!

Get ready for Rach's week long catch up post coming tomorrow!

Cheers slash nighty night :)

xxoxoxo

;; pacifique

Adieu, ignorance.

Last night I spent the evening with two of the most down to earth chickas on the planet. All I can say about the entire evening is CHEERS TO GOOD FRIENDS. I find it exhausting and stressful.. frustrating beyond belief to see how much people hide their true selves from the world in high school. High school, yes what a generalization... Perhaps when I move on to bigger and better things I will consider rephrasing that sentiment, but for now it seems quite fitting. But how can I say that? I was once one of them. Weren't we all?

It's simple really... like spreading too much cream cheese on a mini bagel. We're overwhelmed with the surface, and therefore never get to experience the idea that has been so obviously offered to us in the first place. I have lived an ignorant life. I would not classify myself as an ignorant person, but lately I have begun to realize what is truley important to me, and thus accepting the fact that I have been ignorant to people's true identities.

I appreciate and understand the struggles of high school... I am living it afterall. It is no doubt a harsh judgemental environment; (and I have convinced myself that once we all reach "the real world" the caddy stuff will come to an end... unfortunately I may will have to keep dreaming) an environment that makes it mission impossible to be accepted 100 per cent for who you really are. This must be why we hide ourselves away.

There is such curiosity inside me now. Such a drive to descover people for who they really are.... I feel like I am surrounded by people who have discovered this as well, or perhaps are in the process.. But yet again: High school invades the individuality rhelm.

I want to be able to dance like a baffoon and have my friends join in. I want to be confident in my abilities to be a good leader. I want to take pride in my passions and find people who support and share them with me. I want to be goofy and obnoxious without being talked about. I want to blog without being judged and critiqued.

 I want you to hear this.

Salts.

I constantly find it difficult to explain to others my experience on this trip; the amount of joy it has brought to me, the quality of each and every  moment spent aboard that ship. Those people, that place, was indescribable. I believe people cannot truly comprehend the affect that this trip had on each and every one of us, unless they experience it themselves. But I have finally stumbled across an answer; a way to illuminate them. I’ve retold this story to friends light-heartedly, however, it was the worst feeling I have had to endure in a long, long time. This bracelet. This sailing bracelet that I spent one evening making in the cosy comfort of the foxhole  amongst all of my marvellous shipmates, means the world to me. This one object, created with a waxy thin line, brought me to tears last Tuesday. I play indoor soccer... the least competitive, amusing and hilarious sport known to woman. I was in a perfectly content mood out on the field, until the referee approached me. I thought nothing of his order at the time, “Please take off your jewellery before you continue to play.” I slipped off my sailing bracelet and stuffed it into the depths of my socks for safe keeping. Needless to say, this moment of absence was to cause me the most unhappiness I have felt in months. As I raced out to the car after the game ended, my heart started to sink. Had I checked for my bracelet while on the bench? Did I make sure that it would not disappear on me? I jumped into the car, put on my seat belt, and ripped down both of my socks simultaneously. My stomach dropped. I didn’t hear a word my boyfriend said the whole way home, I just sat there, in shock, a blank stare on my face. I could not believe it. I didn’t know whether to cry or scream. This was my bracelet. This was not an object, it was a symbol. It’s not about the waxy thin layer of rope that lay over my skin, it is so much more than that. To say that this bracelet is full of great memories would be an understatement. Each and every time I look down at my wrist I remember who I was on that boat. That is the person I want to be. I am so ashamed when I think about how I have shifted away from that person since I have been back at school, and this is why I continue to wear the bracelet. I am not here to say that school corrupts, (Haha! What a debate that would be) but to put a spot light on judgement and conformation and loyalty. I have never felt more free than I did aboard  the Swift, and have never met more sincere and loyal people than I did that week.  It represents who I want to be... this is why I was still in shock when walking into my house. My hands shook as I undid my cleats and slowly pulled them off. Nothing. I rolled my socks down, and untied my shin guards and there. There it was. Sitting comfortably nestled in the fabric of my shin guards, unscathed. Hundreds of hot tears began to stream down my face. I slid my body down to the floor and sat there, crying, holding my bracelet. A faint smile spread across my face, and the tears continued to roll down my cheeks and onto the floor. I have never felt so relieved in my life.

To all those who were aboard the Swift on October 18^th to 22^nd: I love you all so much. You are my greatest friends, and I miss you all. Thanks for making it so so so much fun J